So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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