Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
