her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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