This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
