I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
