I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
God, I missed his penis.
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