Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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