I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
