Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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