Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize