remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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