Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
