You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
