Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
