I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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