I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
