thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize