Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
