did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
