Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
