i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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