She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
