I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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