At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
