I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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