we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
