So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
