I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
