i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
