What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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