I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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