I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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