He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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