I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Sext me about skeletons
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize