She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
