People in love make me want to vomit
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
