seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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