Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
