I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
