I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Found your dick twin last night
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
