soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
