she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
