Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
