I think I died a long time ago.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
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