I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
