I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
