oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
