areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
