I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
