I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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