I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
