Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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