I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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