Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
