I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
