i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
