Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
