Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
