Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize