Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
