it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
