I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
