just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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