The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
