I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
