Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Two words: blizzard sex
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
