fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
