she was so not down for the gang bang
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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