tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
