I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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