Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
