he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
