Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
