Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
