you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
